hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
