my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
