Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize