I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There r osticjed everywhere
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
