I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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