apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize