so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
