I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize