He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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