apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
