After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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