My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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