if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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