i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
