why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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