yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
