you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
