I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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