im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
