Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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