Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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