masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
