doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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