Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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