At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
