like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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