we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
