I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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