i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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