yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
