I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
