they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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