If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
