saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
