I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
