Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize