Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
