Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
