I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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