you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
