i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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