Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
