I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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