I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i drank out of a bidet.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
