u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
