Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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