Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
