do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
its liver damage thursday
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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