the condom got lost in my hair
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
