ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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