I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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