My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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