my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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