On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
