you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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