At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
