He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
