I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize