before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
