On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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