I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So vagazzling was a success
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
