Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
