I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize