At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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