Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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