its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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