You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
