i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
