yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
