I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
