I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
