If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
