remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize