no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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