last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
