She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
