I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
