its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
