Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
