then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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