peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
where am i from again
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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