I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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