He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
