I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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