she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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