What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
