yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
