I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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