a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize