If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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