I need help removing her.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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