i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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