brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
