dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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