How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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