I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
