Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize