Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
