And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
