He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
