Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
